Love is one of the most misunderstood concepts in human experience. We often associate love with expectations, demands, or a subtle desire to mold others into what we think they should be. However, Osho, the enlightened mystic, challenges this notion with his simple yet profound wisdom:
"There is only one way of loving people: to love them as they are. And this is the beauty: that when you love them as they are, they change. Not according to you — they change according to THEIR reality."
Let’s delve into the depth of this teaching and explore how embracing this perspective can revolutionize the way we relate to others and ourselves.
1. The True Nature of Love
According to Osho, true love is free of conditions, manipulations, or agendas. It is not about making someone fit into our idea of perfection; rather, it is about accepting and celebrating their uniqueness.
When you love someone unconditionally, you create a safe and nurturing space for their authenticity to shine. This love becomes a mirror in which they can see their true self without fear or judgment.
Why does this matter?
Because when someone feels truly accepted, their natural essence begins to flourish. They do not resist change; instead, they align with their innate potential. This transformation is not coerced but arises organically, in harmony with their inner truth.
Because when someone feels truly accepted, their natural essence begins to flourish. They do not resist change; instead, they align with their innate potential. This transformation is not coerced but arises organically, in harmony with their inner truth.
2. Transformation, Not Conversion
Osho makes a critical distinction between transformation and conversion:
- Conversion is the imposition of external ideals. It is ego-driven, seeking to reshape others in our image or according to societal norms.
- Transformation is a spontaneous process, an inner flowering that occurs when someone feels unconditionally loved and free to be themselves.
When we approach relationships with the intent to "fix" or "improve" others, we strip them of their autonomy and dignity. On the other hand, when we accept them as they are, we honor their individuality and empower them to evolve in their own way.
3. The Ego’s Game: Manipulation and Control
Osho emphasizes that the desire to change others stems from the ego. The ego thrives on control, seeing relationships as a means to assert its power. This manifests as:
- Pushing: Forcing someone to meet your expectations.
- Pulling: Trying to draw them toward your way of thinking.
- Manipulating: Subtly influencing their choices and behavior.
These actions are not acts of love; they are acts of politics, as Osho puts it. Politics in relationships is about power, dominance, and control—everything that true love is not.
When we engage in these behaviors, we suffocate the essence of the other person and destroy the purity of the relationship.
4. Love and Freedom Go Hand in Hand
Osho’s philosophy revolves around the idea that love and freedom are inseparable. If you truly love someone, you do not bind them; you liberate them.
To love someone as they are means to:
- Support their individuality and freedom.
- Allow them to make mistakes and learn from their own experiences.
- Be a companion in their journey, not the one dictating the path.
This approach requires letting go of our ego-driven attachments and trusting the natural flow of life.
5. The Paradox of Change
The beauty of unconditional love lies in its paradox:
- When you try to force someone to change, they resist.
- When you love them as they are, they naturally evolve.
Why does this happen? Because love, in its purest form, is transformative. It is an energy that heals, nurtures, and inspires. When someone feels this energy, they become more attuned to their true self and are motivated to align with their higher potential—not because they were coerced, but because they were loved.
6. Applying Osho’s Wisdom in Daily Life
1. Let go of expectations:
Start by reflecting on your relationships. Are there ways in which you subtly (or overtly) try to change others? Practice letting go of these expectations and embracing them as they are.
Start by reflecting on your relationships. Are there ways in which you subtly (or overtly) try to change others? Practice letting go of these expectations and embracing them as they are.
2. Create a safe space:
Be a source of unconditional support and understanding. This doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior but offering love without judgment.
Be a source of unconditional support and understanding. This doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior but offering love without judgment.
3. Focus on self-awareness:
Osho often reminds us that love begins with self-awareness. The more we understand and accept ourselves, the less likely we are to project our insecurities onto others.
Osho often reminds us that love begins with self-awareness. The more we understand and accept ourselves, the less likely we are to project our insecurities onto others.
4. Resist the urge to control:
Instead of trying to shape the behavior of others, trust their capacity to grow and transform in their own time and way.
Instead of trying to shape the behavior of others, trust their capacity to grow and transform in their own time and way.
7. Beyond Relationships: A Path to Inner Liberation
Osho’s teaching is not just about loving others; it is about cultivating a mindset that transcends the ego. When we stop trying to control others, we free ourselves from the burdens of expectation and disappointment.
This freedom allows us to experience love in its truest sense—not as a transaction, but as a state of being.
Conclusion: The Politics of Love vs. The Power of Love
The politics of love seeks to dominate, manipulate, and control. The power of love, as Osho teaches, lies in its ability to liberate, transform, and heal.
By loving people as they are, we honor their individuality and support their journey toward self-realization. In doing so, we not only enrich our relationships but also embark on our own path of spiritual growth and inner peace.
As Osho beautifully reminds us:
"Help people to be natural, help people to be free, help people to be themselves, and never try to force anybody... Those are the ways of the ego."
"Help people to be natural, help people to be free, help people to be themselves, and never try to force anybody... Those are the ways of the ego."
Let us embrace this wisdom and make love a force of liberation, not limitation
Healing internal wounds is a vital yet challenging journey that often requires the support of others rather than isolation. External support from friends, family, mentors, or therapists offers perspective, resources, and encouragement, helping us reconnect with compassion and resilience and reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles. This network provides a safe space for vulnerability, allowing us to confront uncomfortable emotions with the reassurance that we are cared for and understood.
Support from others is invaluable in offering new perspectives and helping to reframe our narratives around pain, enabling us to move forward with greater clarity and strength. External relationships also model self-worth and compassion, reinforcing our inherent value and encouraging us to treat ourselves with the same kindness we receive. These relationships regulate our emotions in times of distress, reducing feelings of anxiety and isolation, and giving us the capacity to handle our struggles with renewed resilience.
In addition to this emotional support, trained professionals can further guide healing by offering specialized tools and techniques that build resilience and coping mechanisms. Community support, whether through personal relationships or broader networks, offers a sense of belonging and acceptance essential to the healing process. Ultimately, while healing is an internal journey, the presence and encouragement of others transform it into a shared experience, enriching our path to emotional recovery.
Read more...The blog post introduces "inclusion" as an equally significant sixth love language alongside the traditional five: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Inclusion is described as the act of integrating someone into every facet of your life, both physically and mentally, which fosters a profound sense of belonging and connection. It emphasizes that including someone in your thoughts, prayers, plans, dreams, and celebrations signifies their importance in your life and future.
Inclusion encompasses three key dimensions: thoughts and prayers, plans and dreams, and schedules and celebrations. Being included in someone's thoughts and prayers offers emotional and spiritual care, while sharing plans and dreams signifies a shared future vision. Incorporating someone into daily schedules and important celebrations shows they matter in both major and minor life moments, solidifying bonds by fostering security, trust, and intimacy.
Practicing inclusion enhances the effectiveness of the five traditional love languages by making expressions of love more intentional and meaningful. The article suggests simple ways to cultivate inclusion, like holding space for loved ones in thoughts, incorporating them into spiritual practices, making them part of future plans, and celebrating life moments together. This holistic approach promises a deeper, more fulfilling connection, transcending time and distance, by ensuring loved ones know they hold a cherished place in both one's life and future.
Read more...The reality of deep relationships, whether in marriage, family, or friendship, is that they inevitably reveal the flaws and imperfections of those involved. Initial admiration often fades as stress and hardship spotlight these imperfections, challenging the bonds between people. Many relationships struggle to withstand this truth because love is commonly mistaken for emotion, rather than the conscious choice it truly is.
Real love demands a commitment to another person's imperfect humanity, requiring patience, understanding, and the willingness to face uncomfortable truths together. It’s about choosing to see the person beyond their flaws, recognizing their inherent worth despite the messiness of life. This form of love involves standing by someone even in their darkest moments, striving to nurture the relationship day by day despite challenges.
Ultimately, love is a reflection of our own humanity, tolerating the imperfections in others, which mirrors our own struggles. It teaches us empathy and patience for both others and ourselves, breaking the myth that one must be perfect to be loved. The beauty of imperfect love lies in its authenticity, as it acknowledges the reality of life and emphasizes the choice to remain committed, navigating each challenge as a stronger, unified bond.
Read more..."Love is the sum of our choices, the strength of our commitments, the ties that bind us together." This quote by Emily Giffin beautifully encapsulates the essence of love as something deeper than fleeting emotions or romanticized ideals. It suggests that love, in its truest form, is built upon conscious decisions, unshakable commitment, and the bonds we nurture over time. Rather than being merely a feeling, love is portrayed here as an ongoing practice—a continuous journey shaped by the choices we make every day.
Love is the Sum of Our Choices
The idea that love is a result of our choices speaks to the responsibility we hold in how we cultivate and maintain our relationships. Each day, we are presented with countless opportunities to show love, through words, actions, or even silence. Choosing patience over frustration, kindness over criticism, and understanding over judgment are all acts of love.
These choices aren’t always easy. Relationships can be challenging, with moments of conflict, vulnerability, and imperfection. Yet, it is in those moments that our choices matter the most. Love is not just something that happens to us; it is something we actively create through the decisions we make about how we treat others and ourselves.
When we choose to be present, to listen, and to offer support, we contribute to the sum of love in our lives. On the other hand, neglect, indifference, or selfishness can diminish that love. The power of choice is in our hands, and it is these choices that define the depth and quality of our relationships.
The Strength of Our Commitments
At the heart of love is commitment. Love flourishes when we dedicate ourselves to nurturing it, regardless of the challenges that come our way. Commitment gives love its strength, anchoring it in something more lasting than passion or affection, which can wax and wane over time.
Commitment is often seen as a promise—whether spoken or unspoken—that we will stand by someone through the ups and downs. It’s about showing up consistently, even when it’s difficult or inconvenient. It’s choosing to stay when leaving would be easier. This kind of steadfastness requires resilience and trust, but it is what makes love endure.
In relationships, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, commitment transforms love from a feeling into a shared journey. It says, "I am here for you, not just in moments of joy, but in times of hardship too." It’s the strength of this commitment that builds trust, fosters growth, and provides security, creating a bond that can withstand the inevitable storms of life.
The Ties That Bind Us Together
Love is also about connection. The ties that bind us together are the shared experiences, memories, and moments of vulnerability that create a deep sense of belonging. These ties are formed through time, effort, and the mutual willingness to be open and authentic with one another.
In any meaningful relationship, the connection deepens as we allow ourselves to be truly seen and understood. When we show our true selves—the good, the bad, and the imperfect—we invite others to connect with us on a deeper level. Love thrives in this space of vulnerability, where we feel safe enough to let down our walls and be accepted for who we really are.
The ties of love aren’t just about emotional connection; they are also about shared values, goals, and experiences that bring us closer to one another. Whether it’s raising a family together, supporting each other’s dreams, or simply sharing a life’s journey, these shared aspects of life create the invisible threads that weave our lives together.
Love as an Ongoing Practice
Emily Giffin’s quote reminds us that love is not static; it is an ongoing practice. It is something we must nurture and cultivate over time. The choices we make, the commitments we uphold, and the connections we build all contribute to the richness of love in our lives.
At times, love will require patience, forgiveness, and compromise. It will call on us to choose understanding over pride, and compassion over resentment. Love, in its purest form, is an ever-evolving process that requires continual effort and intention.
In the end, love is not something that happens to us passively. It is the sum of everything we do, and the quality of our relationships is determined by the level of care, thought, and energy we invest in them.
Conclusion
Emily Giffin’s words offer a powerful reminder of what love truly is. It is the product of our choices, shaped by our willingness to commit and strengthened by the ties we build with others. Love is not simply a feeling; it is a series of actions, decisions, and commitments that reflect the values we hold dear.
In a world that often emphasizes instant gratification and fleeting emotions, Giffin’s quote encourages us to see love as a practice that requires dedication and effort. It challenges us to make love an intentional part of our lives, one choice at a time. The beauty of love lies in its complexity, and when we embrace it as an active force, we can experience its deepest, most fulfilling form.
